Marcello's forensic dissection of Kenny Everett's World's Worst Record Album Ever and his own list of the twenty worst singles ever. Pleased to see that the loathsome Stone Roses make Marcello's worst ever list. And 'Imagine.' And Deacon Blue. And Robbie, of course, though I'd probably vote for 'Angels' above 'Let Me Entertain You.' Can't concur on Duran Duran, though I have to confess that 'Is There Something I Should Know?' wasn't one of their best moments. And you think 'Mysterious Girl' is bad? Not half as excruciating as 'Flava', I can assure you. I can only echo Mr Carmody: 'Peter fucking Andre, though. And Chris fucking Moyles. Fuck every one of you (including the grinning, complacent apologists on ILM).'
Fascinating little parlour game, of course, but not one I can participate in too confidently; my memory for poor records is too short-term. Perhaps thankfully, I manage to freeze them out of mind until I hear them again. That bloody DJ Caspar single has got a good shout at the moment, however.
And surely 'Sledgehammer' would have to be in there somewhere....
And something by U2, naturally, although how does one choose from such an embarrassment of riches? It would have to be with the video for maximum impact, since the sight of Bono's smug histrionics reduces all sensitive sentient creatures to a state of rabid insensate rage.... What was worse, the wholesome muscular christian earnest Bono or the 'ironic' PoMo version? Who cares.
'Dancing in the Moonlight.' No explanation or justification required, surely.
'There She Goes', The Las, whose ghastly, cheery, cheeky, scally bonhomie never fails to put me in a pyschotic fury and black cosmic despair.
George Michael/ Wham! More or less anything. Wham! were culture criminals ushering in the termination of glam and the rise of the boy band. A tough call as to whether the Wham atrocities or the ponderously unlistenable, self-regarding solo singles were worse really.
Shooting fish in a barrel, but --- pass me the rifle --- Kylie Minogue, 'Some Kind of Bliss', a record that actually makes me feel embarrassed to even contemplate --- the desperate, flailing begging for credibility --- it's painful to remember, isn't it?
Big Sound Authority, since Marcello mentioned them a while ago. Younger readers should note that BSA were perhaps the worst and most heinous example of Eighties' earnest, big-hearted Soulfulness. There is no lower or more despicable form of culture.
Speaking of which: the Style Council. Anything and everything.
Mariah Carey. Can't remember the name of it, that awful single, you know, the one with the the video where she wore hot pants and was on a motor-racing track. So tuneless and uncatchy and arythmic it was almost avant-garde. Stupefyingly bad.
Big Audio Dynamite. Can't remember the name of their singles either. But they were all dreadful: that stodgy, clunky anschluss between rock and 'funk'. Puhleeze.
And since we're in this neck of woods - The Clash, 'Should I Stay or Should I Go.' Horrible.
Nah, not really, just joking about that last one.
I'd opt for The Darkness, but they're just too mediocre really, aren't they? (That new single is awfully reminiscent of Big Country in parts, donchathink?)
And if we're going for most mediocre record ever, Beyonce's 'Me, Myself and I' must have a strong shout.Posted by mark at March 2, 2004 11:14 PM | TrackBack